..And you do exist

Some wont see it when I do.
Now I am waiting outside staring into a deep void waiting to hold conversations with you.
To have my baby boy to hold is what I missed.

I sometimes imagine what we would be doing right this very moment had you come home in my arms. There are comforting thoughts, and beautiful memories for us, Im standing aside waiting for you to bring me what I needed to have all along. Being so close to the end and so close to the beginning, I thought if I had made it past the first 5 months of having you with me you were safe and sure to be apart of my life here where we shared everything.

Never having a thought of these possibilities before and now everything changes so strongly. Now Im eager yet afraid, eager to feel full and rich with life growing inside my womb, afraid of the intentions for it, its not an idea I have set on, but I miss feeling all the creation of life right beneath my skin.. Feeling like I need to be recognized for my pain, but there's still no restfulness in knowing there exists this same level of understanding out there in this world we have..

Its a sensation I can clearly feel inside my body, feeling of too much and too little all in one.. I miss and love you so much, I want to hear you, feel you, be holding you, take you with me wherever I go.. and I will, I just need to come back and remember myself and who you really are for me. Stay with mommy tonight.. Ill be needing you.

-Mommy ♥