Greater Then

My little baby! I feel you today. I felt you more this day than I have since I "lost" you.
I have suddenly had a surge of emotional inspiration today after keeping you in my thoughts the whole time while I slept last night, I know I could feel you, speaking your name is getting easier now, and I may cry, but only out of love for you and nothing else. . I have decided a lot today. I have decided to get all I possibly can out of this life experience, and go to the ultimate heights, reach that place to where I can feel happy just by looking around me, and I have that perfect knowing now that you came to me to help me in my own realization, I know you, and I felt the power of your presence, and I know who you are.

Today I woke up better than I have been in years. Feelings of guilt tried rushing in for that moment I realized I had stop grieving in your name, but I didn't give it life, and my knowing grew stronger in that second. Feeling empowerment from this new direction you've sent me in. I hear them telling me to "let go" though I never will, because in that Ill always have you in more ways than anyone can understand.

Not being one of those who try an let go.
I will embrace you, and speak of you often,
and we will live forever.

Some people when they talk they try not to mention "the baby's name," though I love to hear it said by someone other than myself. I will promise to keep the power of your name alive and growing infinitely.

-I had the most amazing realization and I am so excited to get there. At that beautiful point of inspired desire that at this point NOTHING can keep me from it! I choose to keep quiet to most on my vision of these coming experiences because they are for only us to share until the time comes that those in our life see all that we have created together.

Having trouble telling your sister why she cant hold you and play with you. She watched you grow with me every moment and she loved you, loved the idea of you, loved to feel how you would grow, loved to talk about being a big sister to you. Children understand more than we have realized. Aleah knows your gone, but I want her to understand its not that your lost to us, I think she does on a deeper level, she speaks of you in her sleep some nights, and I cant help but feel some weird sort of guilt for not giving her a baby brother in the right way, or at least that human idea of the "right way" that we see as being the "good" outcome. Though I know am starting to understand that this was MY own version of good outcome, because I know I needed this in my own experience or it might not have happened for us..

Its the point of perception that is put into the idea of this life of what is good and what is bad... but Im realizing there is not good nor bad, there is what IS, and that its neutral and its all an experience of that ultimate Love source we intuitively know we emerge from and are born from, that we speak from, feel from, and from which we become aware of who we really are.

I recognize you as I recognize myself today. I love you with such a puling surge of energy reaching out from my heart its almost hard to put into words in this world.



-Mommy