Its almost me

Hidden meanings stir inside my mind tonight.
Thinking in thoughts that wont make sense, even if they did they wouldn't see it, no one would. Mattering never concerned this form, this truth I know, this life I feel. Gaining insight and becoming recognizable never had become appealing for tomorrow. Its new, its confusion, its distrust, its not knowing and wanting to assume the worst intent. Not opening up, becoming human, feeding this fire of reaction in a life long circumstance unwanted, hurtful, and unnecessary. Music and sounds fade out, grinding away at remains is selfishly unsatisfying. Its entering a world were I am at loss for words where I am captivated by an emotional body. Strange words and ideas flowing through me, not feeling myself, Im watching things happen before me, needing to create and realize and be in this fully, I almost can not.

I can not speak
I can not feel hurt.
Its only one moment in all the rest of eternity.
Hypocritical, almost hopeful, weird
confused, I just miss my us.
I may choose not to be okay.

Does one see clarity in this mixed up place?

Where I cant get down

in this moment
my head spinning and I catch myself,
I breathe with effort,
trying not to slip further
into this mess Ive made.

Heavy thoughts.
Its a time where we cant help but react
to the last bit of nothing
as the world seems to fall down around us.

Its not knowing where this comes from, roots so deep and a sense of comfort missing. I need something. Anything. Tonight Ill sleep again, same as I have before, only now I find trouble in things, the final thoughts that take me are filled with this love.

I miss us. Ill say it forever. So you caught me..


Always Love
xo ♥♥ Mommy-